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This next presentation is a wonderful bit of e-mail that I received from a friend. Lori Solomon is a psychologist, and a devoted Davy Jones fan. Since she sent me this, I have proudly called her "My Analyst" and I'm equally proud that she jokingly calls me her "favorite patient". She has contributed so much to this website, that we refer to it as "Ours". If you worry about your addiction to David, then you need to read this!/font>

Subject: Are we really Normal?

You really bring up a fascinating question, Jan: what separates healthy admiration or affection for someone from psychopathological attachment?

Well, this is not by any means my area of expertise. I teach and do research in the areas of cognitive and social psychology, so my focus is on normal rather than abnormal behavior. But I know enough to offer a few ideas which might set your mind at rest.

The biggest and most obvious cause for concern would be delusions-- firmly held beliefs which donít match up to reality. The celebrity stalkers who make the news typically donít just WANT an intimate relationship with the celebrity; they believe they already HAVE (or should have) one.

Remember that woman who went to jail for breaking into David Lettermanís house and stealing his car? She didnít consider her behavior criminal, because she thought she was entitled to do those things as his wife or girlfriend. Thatís why stalking cases often end in violence. The person canít accept or understand why the object of their affection is acting so irrationally, avoiding them or getting court orders against them. Then all that ďloveĒ turns to hate.

Iíve read about a few people who turned against David because he was merely polite or somewhat reserved when he signed their autographs. These people were upset because they were deluded, believing that because they know so much about him and followed him since they were six, that he should return their feelings exactly the same. Theyíre looking for those stars in his eyes, and God help him if they donít find them. One of the things I respect most about him is that he doesnít pretend to love people he just met just to make sure theyíll buy a ticket or a CD. As I said, he seems to have a real sixth sense for what kind of emotion heís dealing with.

I donít think any distinction needs to be made between having such feelings for a celebrity or having them for anybody who doesnít return those same feelings. You asked about diagnostic terms: ďerotomaniaĒ comes to mind for the sort of stalking behavior Iíve been describing, when someone just wonít give up the pursuit of a person who doesnít want their attentions. Clearly, David appreciates devotion such as yours very much, not to mention baskets of goodies!

Of course, delusions are not the same as fantasies, which are usually healthy and normal. Iíve heard some fans saying vicious things about the wives or girlfriends of their favorites, even wishing them dead! Now, THAT is crossing the line. I know I would very happy if David were still with Anita or anybody at all who was good for him and made him happy. If someone couldnít feel that kind of unselfish hope for their favorite, then I would suspect that at some level they are harboring the expectation that their most serious fantasies will come true.

So, what if delusions arenít involved? I think another possible problem could actually be described as an addiction. If someoneís interest in David or Star Trek or baseball or anything started to interfere with their work, families, friends, health or religion, then Iíd worry. Itís all a matter of balance. Remember William Shatnerís famous ďGet a life, people!Ē sketch on SNL? Thatís what I mean.

I saw a web page analyzing the Monkees episodes, and I was astounded at the level of detail. Some of it was cute and interesting, but this woman actually noted things like the first time in the series Micky called someone ďbabeĒ, or the first appearance of the Monkeemobile outside a fantasy sequence, or minor changes on the set.

Nothing wrong with that per se, but I kept imagining the number of hours she must have sat there in front of her TV with a notebook. Those shows were meant to be enjoyed, not analyzed like rabbis studying the Talmud.

In fact, enjoyment is the last point Iíll consider here. A healthy interest should involve mostly positive feelings. Iíll tell you, Jan, this is the area I need to work on myself. Anything dealing with David himself brings me great happiness. I automatically smile when I see him or hear him. Iíve had a lot of laughs because of him, even if I groan sometimes at the more racy stuff. I feel proud of him in so many ways, and truly inspired by him.

But Iíll confess to you, I wish I could be more philosophical about the whole Davy-bashing phenemenon weíve been discussing. I donít want to be so upset at the hateful remarks of a few dozen people on the Internet, especially when I think I know why theyíre saying them.

I donít think I would be upset if I knew that their feelings were not shared by most of the people actually attending the TIT shows. Maybe you or your other friends could help me here. When I saw the Hershey shows, I was very relieved that he seemed to go over extremely well with the crowd.

When I got home, I was shocked to find a long thread on the Monkees Newsgroup about his so-called ďpoor performanceĒ there, based mostly on the incident when he wouldnít sign an autograph DURING the show. He told the woman very nicely ďThatís great, but I canít sign it now, sweetheart. Iíve got 2000 people waiting for me to sing.Ē Now, what nobody mentioned on the newsgroup was that he got a loud burst of applause for this, from people whoíd had their fill of autograph seekers interrupting Bobbyís set. I also saw that only a small number of fans approached Bobby, whereas David had so many rushing the stage that he couldnít possibly have given each of them the individual attention they wanted. So anyway, the nasty references to Hershey didnít bother me a bit, because I knew the truth for myself.

The silver lining to all of this has been discovering that Davidís fans really are a cut above the rest. Iíve seen a degree of loyalty, decency, and intelligence that contrasts markedly with whatís been displayed by some of the fans of the other Monkees or Teen Idols. That can only reflect well on David himself.

This relates to the whole enjoyment issue. Normal, appropriate affection for someone should make you a better and kinder person. I think the truly sick individuals are the fans who can only show their attachment to their idols by tearing down a supposed rival, and trying to hurt that rivalís own fans. Thatís why thereís such a fine line between speaking up for David in a positive way and sinking to the level of those creeps. Some of them are really trolling, and weíd only be giving them what they want if we show that theyíve gotten to us too much.

To wrap this up, you asked what a sociopath is. In a way, a sociopath displays behavior exactly the opposite of what weíve been concerned with. Sociopaths feel too little for other people, not too much. They manipulate others with no conscience to bother them, because they canít empathize with other human beings. Sociopaths have a very poor prognosis, because itís easier to work with people who have inappropriate feelings than people who have NO feelings. Thatís real cause for worry.

So are we really normal? I believe so. If you refused to go out with a nice guy just because he wasnít Davy Jones, thatíd be a problem. If you mortgaged your house to buy into his horse-racing syndicate, thatíd be a problem. I loved what you said about buying him the moon if you won the lottery. I would, too. The key is that we both recognize the difference between whatís possible and what isnít.

I know I just ďmetĒ you, but from our limited acquaintance Iíd say you were a kind, brave, generous, and caring person. A little more romantic than most, maybe a little emotional. Sounds a lot like a certain Manchester lad we know, doesnít it?

From Kimberly's Japan Collection

Sorry for being so long-winded. I had to postpone my class because of the laryngitis, so it looks like you got the lecture instead!


Well, do you feel better now? I know it helped me to ignore everybody telling me that I needed a "reality check" (this could be possible!) and that loving a celebrity was nuts. Now I just tell them to leave me to my obsession, cause I'm one of thousands, and my analyst said it was OK!

The next page is a collection of love poems and prose that we felt was made for David fans and reflected our dreams of him. We will always be happy to add one that you feel will fit!

Poetry-Continue the Tour!

A Duel With Peter Noone

Davy Is A Rooster!

Newspaper Interview

Guestbook and Links

The Postcard Page!

David's Hometown Paper Interview!

A Review Of The Japan Tour!!

New! 5/99! An original poem by a fan! Yova's Page!

Back to first page!