This next presentation is a wonderful bit of e-mail that I received from a friend. Lori Solomon is a psychologist, and a devoted Davy Jones fan. Since she sent me this, I have proudly called her "My Analyst" and I'm equally proud that she jokingly calls me her "favorite patient". She has contributed so much to this website, that we refer to it as "Ours". If you worry about your addiction to David, then you need to read this!/font>

Subject: Are we really Normal?

You really bring up a fascinating question, Jan: what separates healthy admiration or affection for someone from psychopathological attachment?

Well, this is not by any means my area of expertise. I teach and do research in the areas of cognitive and social psychology, so my focus is on normal rather than abnormal behavior. But I know enough to offer a few ideas which might set your mind at rest.

The biggest and most obvious cause for concern would be delusions-- firmly held beliefs which don’t match up to reality. The celebrity stalkers who make the news typically don’t just WANT an intimate relationship with the celebrity; they believe they already HAVE (or should have) one.

Remember that woman who went to jail for breaking into David Letterman’s house and stealing his car? She didn’t consider her behavior criminal, because she thought she was entitled to do those things as his wife or girlfriend. That’s why stalking cases often end in violence. The person can’t accept or understand why the object of their affection is acting so irrationally, avoiding them or getting court orders against them. Then all that “love” turns to hate.

I’ve read about a few people who turned against David because he was merely polite or somewhat reserved when he signed their autographs. These people were upset because they were deluded, believing that because they know so much about him and followed him since they were six, that he should return their feelings exactly the same. They’re looking for those stars in his eyes, and God help him if they don’t find them. One of the things I respect most about him is that he doesn’t pretend to love people he just met just to make sure they’ll buy a ticket or a CD. As I said, he seems to have a real sixth sense for what kind of emotion he’s dealing with.

I don’t think any distinction needs to be made between having such feelings for a celebrity or having them for anybody who doesn’t return those same feelings. You asked about diagnostic terms: “erotomania” comes to mind for the sort of stalking behavior I’ve been describing, when someone just won’t give up the pursuit of a person who doesn’t want their attentions. Clearly, David appreciates devotion such as yours very much, not to mention baskets of goodies!

Of course, delusions are not the same as fantasies, which are usually healthy and normal. I’ve heard some fans saying vicious things about the wives or girlfriends of their favorites, even wishing them dead! Now, THAT is crossing the line. I know I would very happy if David were still with Anita or anybody at all who was good for him and made him happy. If someone couldn’t feel that kind of unselfish hope for their favorite, then I would suspect that at some level they are harboring the expectation that their most serious fantasies will come true.

So, what if delusions aren’t involved? I think another possible problem could actually be described as an addiction. If someone’s interest in David or Star Trek or baseball or anything started to interfere with their work, families, friends, health or religion, then I’d worry. It’s all a matter of balance. Remember William Shatner’s famous “Get a life, people!” sketch on SNL? That’s what I mean.

I saw a web page analyzing the Monkees episodes, and I was astounded at the level of detail. Some of it was cute and interesting, but this woman actually noted things like the first time in the series Micky called someone “babe”, or the first appearance of the Monkeemobile outside a fantasy sequence, or minor changes on the set.